2.18.2004

The word is VOLATILE!

Things are just so calm right now... I guess without some emotional crisis to keep my mind busy I get REALLY FUCKING BORED. In this mental crisis I have to (in typical John fashion) of course take stock and overanalyze my seemingly unending series of disfunctional relationships.

Kelly - Cooled off into pretty much nothing - that spark has flared and burnt out. Third times a charm I suppose...

Jessica - Well I liked her but she has struck out on the 3 phone call rule. Her move.

Kristen - We have actually starting talking again a bit... However due to the 3 cancel strikeout last fall, the ball is also in her court.

... and I patched things up with Margarita.

I just realized - She has been in my life longer than any of the girls I know... Typically when it doesn't work out (ex's or girls that I like with boyfriends) things just - well they just end one way or another. Usually it is of my doing. I mean why keep someone in your life that represents disappointment or hurt?

She's been there for years... and I don't think that she realizes how much that means to me.

When I talked to her the other night... well for the first 10 minutes or so I just let her talk. I let her get out how angry she was at me. She was perfectly right to be mad at me.

I take her for granted sometimes. Just because I can't HAVE her doesn't mean I should kick one of my best friends to the curb. I'm just going to have to make it work...

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