[x]in all my dreams i drown

on the verge of sleep i am an artistic genious
sometimes too lazy to get up
and jot down this masterpiece
hoping the words will still be there when i wake
even though they never seem to be
or never were as good as i think i remember
halfway between being awake and unconcious
is like the montage of a spirit quest
halfway between reality and my subconcious
is where everything is connected and makes sense
halfway between the past and the future
where she was in my arms
and i could feel her heart beating
in a split second i can go from being warm and content
to cold and alone
when i wake with a start i can still feel them
they were just here a second ago
there is that split second on panic
where my heart cedes to logic
how long was ago was it?
dreams are cruel in their execution
when they have no concept of time
slumber is visiting hours
for the prison of your soul
where the things you can't let go of are locked away
whethere you want them to be or not
[x]the dysfunction of intimacy

i should have up and left 
when i learned her safeword was hello
it was in my nature to love her
even if it was unwarranted
the moment i realized i did
my heart was broken in the fall
infatuation just makes you blind
to all of the red flags
when you just want it more 
than it's meant to be
so here i am 
not even mourning the loss of her
but what went missing when she left
she robbed me of my hate
when it was all i had
she took away the darkness in me
that made me strong
the only thing i am now
is exposed
listening to the sad songs
because they don't quite break the skin
they don't leave any marks
at least none that can be seen on the surface