[x]what's the word for it... oh yeah.

You know, it took a few days to really nail down how I feel about the phone call from Jessica the other night.

The only word that comes to mind is - Amused.

I guess I'm not completely lost then.


[x]the subtle insanities!

Wow. Where to start.

1. Last night's phone call was... interesting to say the least.
2. I love the air, in spring. The sky is the only thing that makes me feel free.

even with all of the miles between us
the silence cuts the deepest
though, somehow
i'm there and you're here.



This would all end
we both knew
but for every step
the closer we got
that day seemed further and further away

Who am i to blame the syren
for smashing me into the rocks?
That's who she is
that's what this always was
even if I am in denial
of how it has to be.



all of this
set into emotion
asking for my blessing
is like getting permission to break my heart
because you know that veil
might as well be a shroud

damned either way
the happiness I want for you
even if it isn't me
i swear i'll try to say
everything you want to hear
even if it makes me ill to lie

the monster soliciting
knocks on the door
i'll sit here like a scolded child
afraid to move
how am i ever going to burn out
if i never shine?

the saving grace
oh sweet distraction
becaust it hurts to think
to eventually realize
that i'm completely destroyed

this war of attrition
because we both know
hurting me hurts you and vice versa
so where does that leave us?
do i even try to fake it?
do i find another lose cause?

can i look you in the eyes anymore?
can you even look in mine?
widespread panic within me
when i feel like you're gone
when you haven't even left yet



Relevant - "Dig" by Incubus (Light Grenades)

We all have someone that digs at us,
At least we dig each other
So when sickness turns my ego up
I know you'll act as a clever medicine.
If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me.
Sing this song!
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.
Oh each other....
When everything
Else is gone.

This has been a somber week. So here is something somber.

You strapped on your angels wings and left
I don't know why part of me died
this particular time
You feel farther away than you are
when you are gone
so is the fight in me


[x]when everyone is gone...

i had you in winter
only to be gone in the spring
getting on that plane
maybe you will be lost to the desert
if you make it back
the crutch
the mirror
may not survive the trip