If you are going to press play - "The Grace" By NEVERENDING WHITE LIGHTS

In better days I've been known to listen
I go to waste all my time is missing

I'm mapping out my ending,
it's never gonna happen now
These things are condescending
with everybody backing down

You pray to stars that can help you get by
And all at once you forget to try

I'd go there if you let me,
they're never gonna find me now
My life is always empty
and in and out of doubt

Your not coming back for me, these things they will never be
I'm so used to being wrong, so put me where I belong

I'll get back to you,
God knows I try,
but I still lose
And I get back to you,
these days run by,
but I still lose

Angels say they can make you suffer
They give and take like a vicious lover

When all this loses meaning,
You'll never want it back somehow
Awake but still I'm dreaming
And never waking up

Alone...Where I'm not alone


[x]6th annual S.P.A. day

... this is getting depressing :(

[x]Finally walking out of the graveyard.

If you are going to press play - "The Ghost Of You" by My Chemical Romance

It's just not worth carrying around this much hate. It's alot of baggage that has been corrupting me like a cancer from the inside out...

Since last November I have re-established various countacts... I have talked to Jenn, Lori, Madonna, and Beth... The air was cleared on every occassion. Am I crazy to have done this? Maybe... Just been so long without any sort of closure it was destroying me. There were things that needed to be said and were.

When you seperate from someone, you leave a piece of your heart with them. They take it and leave... and for some reason you long to have it back. I guess I have found peace in that now. I don't mind it so much... They can have them, because in the space they took was replaced a piece of them.

It's these pieces that make us who we are.

For the first time in 6 years I am realizing that's not such a bad thing. Sometimes you CAN let the dead rest in peace, and let the ghosts finally move on.

What have a gotten in return? Peace. I have been doing dinner with Jenn on mondays for the last month or so (which I enjoy). Lori and I haven't seen much of eachother but things were cleared up. Madonna and I have had some long conversations about movies and alot of things I didn't even know we had in common. I just started talking to Beth tonight, it went well... and I am hoping we can have a good time at Chelsie's upcoming wedding and on other occassion.

At this point, it is about what IS as opposed to what WAS. What IS - is a welcome change of emotional scenery...



If you are going to press play - "Love and Memories" by O.A.R.

Yes, JB just bought an issue of vanity fair.

It is NOT fair to have Scarlett Johansson and Keira Knightley nekkid on the cover!

[x]What's taters, precious?

What is an ub3r g33k to do with fr1d@y off? Well there is snow on the ground outside, it's cold (I spend enough time out there), and my WoW character is being "worked on".

So, what am I to do with all this time?




[x]bday 2005 redux.

Uhh... ok I know it has been 3 months but I finally got around to fixing the photos on my bday 2005 page.

check it out here!


[x]The New World.


I can't really recommend this movie to anyone, because I can't think of anyone who would like it or feel it like I did. It just hit me, square... right in that spot between your stomach and your heart.

This movie has Colin Farrell and Christian Bale (one of my favorite actors) in it. Both are really good...

However, this movie is all about Pocohontas, played by Q'Orianka Kilcher. She absolutely lights up the screen every moment she is on. I can't recall someone who has acted so powerfully in a movie. Normally I am all about how beautiful an actress is, etc. - This was so much more.

Her character is so full of life it tears you apart. I am really at a loss right now. She's amazing.

My buddy Hump told me going into this that there wasn't much dialogue in the film. There isn't. At least, not nearly as much as you are used to. It's suits this movie so well...

It really reminded me what falling in love is all about. It's not about words... It's about innocence. It's more about what isn't being said, it's about the silences in between. It's in those moments you fall in love. It's touch, it's that instant where you steal a glance at someone when they aren't looking. It's when you eyes meet...

It's in the tension and hesitation. It's when your heart is beating out of your chest in nervousness and you are nothing but elated. It's when the only sound is breathing, it's when they are close...

And here I am trying to put into words... always words, everything I write, every poem - trying to describe something that has nothing to do with words.


[x]Oh, that's why.

If you are going to press play - "Perfect Situation" by Weezer

Got fitted for my tux today for Chelsie's wedding, then took her to lunch. I just wanted to note today, because her version of why Beth didn't work out is absolutely hilarious.

So, thanks for the laugh.


[x]Something light.

Logan and Ariel