my shadow is longest before the dusk
these days i'm chasing the sun
it's lonely in my pursuit
when i no longer take my shadow for granted
we're shackled together at the ankle after all
and when the days are hard
i can almost feel the pull, the resistance
i look back as if to say
"I know you're still there"
and when I wave it waves back at me in unison
hard to get a read on it's blank face
but from it's posture it just seems smug regardless
always eager and willing....
ready to switch places again


[x]So Devised.

she tells she wonders what if
when she knows i'm thinking why not...
neither of would ever deny it's there
or always have been
she was the one who came for me
but i was the one who struck the match
and just like that
we slept in it's fire
since she went away i've been left burning
ablaze in these idle moments
and all of the spaces in between sleep and dream
whenever i let this memory swim
the one that doesn't seem to want to fade
i struggle to define what it is about her
yet knowing exactly what it is at the same time
this attraction based solely upon
the only sadness of my emancipation
it was in this grey area
i was finally so devised
that i started to take what i wanted
both her and everything else since
in her non malicious fashion she toys with me
and i am forever content being her plaything
as i lay in wait and want
for another proof of my elusive deity

[x]Seasonal Unaffective Disorder.

in quiet moments i can close my eyes
and be standing in the snow
i can open them and see my breath before me
and feel the cold on my face
in the visions there is no sound
until the 85 and partly cloudy snaps me out of it
this seems to be the opposite
of season affective disorder
because the unexceptional weather leaves me unaffected
every day is almost exactly the same
at the very least in the sunshine
i can't feel myself dying anymore like i used to
i just can't feel myself living either
yet every once in a while
we get those rare grey days
every time it's overcast it's like god's trying to relate
and i like to think that maybe i did this
and i'll stand in the rain like an idiot
when there's nothing but sunshine
it's easy to get homesick in the contrast