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Graveyard: Part Two

Soundtrack - "Stop crying your heart out" - Oasis

There hasn't been a single day in the past 5 years where I haven't thought about Sarah. Lately it has just been snapshots...

The time I bought her a rose when I met her after she was off of work one night. - I remember how happy she was... how something so simple put such a smile on her face. The way she ran the petals of the rose down my lips before she kissed me.

The last time I saw her before she moved to Aquinas. - She was dropping me off in her car. She was crying and I remember just wanting to get it over with. I hurried the goodbye because I was so heartbroken. I knew it was the end... looking back I think we both did. This wasn't the last time that I saw her... but it was the last time I saw her where we were truly in love. I can still see that look on her face... that pleading look as if she wanted me to talk her out of it. To make one last desperate attempt to keep her here.

I have burned every single picture I had of her, in some vain attempt to forget... However I won't ever forget the way she use to look at me... That genuine love that her eyes conveyed to me... The more I try and forget the clearer the memory of her becomes.

If there is one point in my life that did the most damage... that was it. I was much younger then emotionally. I was young and foolish (you never know what you have until it's gone) - I had been heartbroken before, but not on that scale. This was "The one" up and leaving me, and I was watching it happen.

When she told me about the scholarship - I made her go even though I think she would have stayed if I had asked her to. She loved me that much.

I still miss her... so much that it makes my heart hurt to think about it. Everything here is a constant reminder of the time we had together. I don't love her any less than I did the last time I saw her... And in that there is always the hope that the next knock on the door, the next phone call, the next letter, the next email... will somehow be her.

I took her for granted... She was the best thing ever to happen to me and I let her go. Love has been mocking me ever since. Every time I see even a glimpse of what I had with her in someone else, I desperately reach out for it... It's always just out of my grasp.

The last I have heard of her, she was engaged. She's out there, and probably has a family and a life that has nothing to do with here... or me. Good for her, if anyone deserves to be happy, it's her.

I also wonder if she thinks about me... I like to think that she does... What we had was something beautiful in this ugly world and no one will ever be able to take that away from either of us.