Graveyard: Part Three
This place is a graveyard.
I need to get out of Michigan. There is so much that I hate about where I live.
I cannot wake up without being constantly reminded of the things I have let go wrong, get screwed up, or let pass me by. The very air that I breathe is bad. Winter doesn't help my mood either... my energy sapped...
Everyone else has moved on with their lives... or, even if they have not - they have accepted where they are and are fine with it. I am not. I have wasted so much potential, and so many opportunities... More than the average person in ONE lifetime get. Not only that - but I continue to do so and hate myself for it.
I love my family more than anything. I love my friends... I know they will understand it when I leave.
I want to move somewhere warm. Like California, or Florida... or even a place like Las Vegas. Inside I feel like I should be so much more - or there is so much more out there for me.
Have I been jaded by my relationships with women? Yes I have. I cannot go anywhere without be by some heartache's house... or some place of significance. The past - It haunts me. It would be nice to be in a place where you don't know landmarks, where you can make NEW memories, or even start a new life.
The present - every relationship I have a joke. Why? because everything is tied to someone else. I don't want to repeat the same mistakes that I made with Margarita with Kelly. I want to find someone who makes me feel like Sarah did. I don't ever want to fall prey to someone like I did to Madonna.
I suppose you live and learn. You learn from your mistakes, and apply that new knowledge to the future. I just don't think it should be like this. No one should be in love with the past and let that affect the present or future.
So, the plan is (barring some miracle) - I am going to pay off my bills and move. Hopefully something will make me want to stay, and give me a new lease on living here - I just strongly doubt it.