1.21.2004

Whatever.

If you are going to press play, and please do. - "Away from me" by Puddle of Mudd

Well... Margarita apparently took my poking and prodding her the wrong way. She got all pissy on the phone with me and hung up. Whatever. I am sick of this facade anyway.

You did this, not me.

Hey - YOU put the cage on our relationship. YOU put the label on what we have. YOU are the one who changed the rules. Not me.

Ever since you decided on "friendship" - our relationship has been a sham. Ever since I stopped being special to you. It always has been, which is why I never respected it. We were never meant to be "friends".

Can't you understand that?

You have a gazillion ex-boyfriends. Beyond that a gazillion guy-friends. So where does that leave me? There is only ONE difference between your ex's and I... yet I still feel grouped in with them. I could seriously give a fuck about any of them or your loser ass boyfriend. Fuck him. You made your bed, sleep in it. Don't go complaining to me. I don't want to hear it anymore.

I am sick of it. I am sick of the way we use eachother for the things we are both lacking. I miss the days where we didn't care. That is what made our relationship stand out, that is what made it unique, and special.

No matter what THEY did to us, we used to have eachother. It's just not that way anymore. Maybe that is all we were meant to be - maybe we should have just left it all at the dorm.

My friends have been telling me to stop dealing with you for just about as long as you labeled us. They can see the emotional strain you put on me. I care about you and that is what has held this off for this long.

You are always telling me how much I mean to you. About how I have always been there for you. Well I have.. but I can't take what you do to yourself anymore. Or what you do to me. You have no respect for yourself, or me.

You are about to lose me, Margarita. Forever. You may not understand all of this, but just think about how obviously I can't handle our current arrangement. You have always said how you drive guys crazy, well you have succeeded in doing so with me. In a bad way.

Your move.

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