Big Fish (again)

If you are going to press play "I miss you" by Blink 182

Don't waste your time on me you're already a voice inside my head.

I went to go see BIG FISH again (With Ben, Meg, and Jessica) last Saturday night. It just meant something different to me this time around... in a few parts. Jessica was my "date"... she's cool but... well I can't put my finger on it... I am not sure what our incompatibility is as of yet. Lack of contact?

Touch is my favorite way of getting to know someone. Alright... get your minds out of the gutter. Not like that. Simple things like a hug, or an unintentional body contact... Those kinds of things. The effort you make to touch someone... The gesture...

The first night we went out, all of us were out LATE... All of us were really tired, and on the ride home her head was on my lap with my arm around her... That was nice.

It might just be me... I am a little off lately... My heart, body, and mind are drained. I have been thinking that maybe I have attachment problems. (look at how great all of my past and current relationships are working out)

That is what being jaded is... Being preconditioned to a certain belief based upon past experiences. I can't help but look over my shoulder... or keep someone at an arm's length. Or push them away....


How do you tell someone something that they aren't ready to hear?

When she tells Edward Bloom "But you don't even know me" - Well it just reminded me of something Kelly said to me a few weeks ago when we were talking. She had said the same thing to me...

Edward Bloom: "We have our whole lives to get to know eachother" (or something like that) - He just knew that he loved her and that was good enough for him. I mean, he just came out and said all of those things to her.

THEdeadpixel: i don't care how much i know you...
what i do know is that you make me happy and that
makes me what to know more
THEdeadpixel: that's all i need
[KELLY]: that is totally fine
THEdeadpixel: i don't need anything else and i don't
want to overthink this like i do everything else in my
THEdeadpixel: i just want to go with it.

I always said it would take someone special to knock me over the head and make me want to care again. Well Kelly came out of nowhere and did so with me. On New Year's night I swore to myself that I would stick my heart out there and try to feel again... For better or worse. I will plug myself back into the world.

For better... or worse.

As I bi-product of promising myself to care again... I left myself open for it... I haven't been that hurt in a long time. I still am. I found myself struggling to pull the plug...

I guess, with losing my Uncle... this time around the movie hit me harder... It just made me realize that every memory that I have of him is a story... a moment. Those stories will make him immortal to me and to those that love and miss him.

At this point I would say that I love you Uncle Don... Wherever you are... but I know exactly where you are... in my heart. And as I have said... to me that's heaven.

Life is full of moments... and I don't want to let anymore slip by. No more things unsaid, or undone...

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous11:35 PM

    I think that when someone passes away they can life inside you. Because I think the body is a mini replica of the world. each of us a universe and sometimes one universe collides with another and they form one universe. But each of our minds controls who we allow to collide and dwell within us.