She's got colors to spare, and I don't care,
what they do - Hum "Why I like the Robins"
I lost interest in 2 out of the 3 women in my life this week...
Number One - Ann Marie - It is just never going to happen. Perhaps it should, as I have never found someone more compatable. She is smart, beautiful, has her life together, asian (heh)... What more could I ask for in a girl? I just cannot bring myself to cross that line with her. I do not have the heart. Better to leave things as they are than screw them up. In the future, who knows... I have always left that possibility open with her. She seems happy with who she is with, and I am beginning to appreciate her being so oblivious to how I feel about her. I care too much about her, and value her friendship to interfere. I like spending time with her, but I hate the feeling of guilt that accompanies it. We have been spending less and less time together as of late, and seeing her at the club last week with her BF... I just need a bit of time to re-evaluate things. Sometimes I would look at her, actually quite a few... and I would ask myself "Does she know?" I still do not know the answer.
Number Two - Margarita. She is smart, fun, beautiful... I know now that you cannot have your cake and eat it too. She trusts me... I shouldn't tamper with that. "She'll always be mine, always and never" - Sin City. In a way I have always felt something for her, but I suppose I have just crossed over into the "Friend Zone" one two many times. When she spent the night last week, and as she was laying there... Well it is just nice to have someone there sometimes. But I don't want her to be just that. I don't want her to be a pseudo-girlfriend. I have more respect for her than that. All I can do is try and take care of her. I have been her shoulder to cry on more than once... and every time it is because of some asshole who does not know what he has. It kills me to see her like that. And I tell her that she is better than that. That she deserves better. She knows I mean me, but I fear that she cares too much about me to take that next step. Maybe someday, probably not.
Number Three - Emily. Not much to say as of yet. She is a bit younger than me, and I think we hit it off pretty well. I just don't know where any of it is going, and I have the suspicion that it is dead in the water already. Probably my fault as well. I am interested, but I feel awkward a bit. I mean, I cannot remember the last girl I "dated". I have just gone from one serious relationship to another... And when it wasn't a relationship, it was... something else. Something that I never want to be a part of again. It is hard to start from scratch. Especially now. Perhaps counting your chickens can work both ways.
I guess inside you can offer the world to anyone, but they have to know you are offering, and they have to accept.
...I am not living a tragedy anymore.