Let me explain something - I never lose it. Ever since New Year's I have found a sense of calm in my life...

I never get mad at anyone else. No matter how much they ride my ass all day, nor how condescending they can be...at times. No matter how they speak OUT, when they really mean AT you. No matter how long they have been there, and are expecting me to perform at their current experience and speed. Regardless of the fact that I make half as much money as they do, and have been there the time that I have. Regardless of how I have to put up with people when THEY lose it. Regardless of how I am never the one complaining.

At times it gets to me. Perhaps it is because of my personality... When I do get frustrated/mad it is only at myself. It would be so easy to place the blame... but I do not.

Perhaps they are just kidding around and I am taking it seriously. Perhaps I take myself and my job too seriously.

Maybe I just care too much, want them to like and approve of me too much. It just seems important that they do so, and I try.

But. It is just a job. Just a job and a source of income. Just my way to sustain my lifestyle, and to improve it by paying off school.

Getting along with everyone is just a bonus. There is not one person who I work with that I do not like...

That being said...

Towards the end of the job on Saturday, I was hanging shutters on a job, and I put the screwgun through a piece of trim. I hate shutters. It probably kept us from leaving the job about a 1/2 hour. And it did get to me. I used the word "fuck" in just about every combination possible in about 30 seconds. Funny how everyone was strangely silent after that.

It just made me think...

I am not my job.

It isn't worth it to me to get angry at anything or anyone. Not worth it at all. And realizing that has given me a totally new perspective on where I work and who I work with.

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