- Nosocomephobia: The fear of hospitals.

I hate hospitals. Besides birth, there is really nothing good about being there. Something has to go wrong in order for you to be there.

My niece Ariel started the day off at Oakwood hospital in Dearborn Heights. She had been in the hospital for the past day or so... I am not 100% sure what the exact issue was... All I know is that she was crashing hard and they weren't sure if she was going to make it. We were called to the hospital.

She was airlifted to University of Michigan hospital in Ann Arbor, a facility better suited for her emergency. I drove so fast I actually saw the helicopter unloading.

After about 8 hours there, she was pronounced stable after being in critical condition all day. She was on a ventilator all day, as apprarently here blood had become deoxygenated. From what I could gather she had a blood transfusion... and was doing much better when I left the ICU.

I have never felt so heartbroken in my entire life. I'm so scared.

The only thing I can do in hospitals is sleep. I have to keep myself distracted or I get severe panic attacks. I played with Logan most of the day, and took a nap. I woke up sweating... Dwelling on stress isn't something I deal with well.

My stomach is still in a knot. I for some reason put on a facade of being calm and strong in these situations, but inside I am just destroyed. My nerves are shot, but the last thing my family needs is to see me break.

Alone in my room though, writing this - it's a different story. I'm sick to my stomach and I have that kind of cold sweat that you can do nothing about... Between the bar last night and all the crying I have done in the past few hours alone here... my eyes feel like they are on fire.

I can't write anymore...

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