If only I were an ostrich...

If ignorance is bliss, THEN KNOCK THE SMILE OFF MY FACE
- Rage Against the Machine "Settle for nothing"

Outwit, Outplay, Outlast

Oh well, the Robfather didn't win the million dollars. Which is really sad because he outplayed EVERYONE. Honestly it came down to Lex being a fucking crybaby sore loser. You suck Lex.

But he did win ONE HELL of a consolation prize...

Ambuh is HOT. Congratulations!

Go Boston Rob!

Well tonight is the survivor finale. It's down to the Robfather, Ambuh, Jenna and Rupert. Go Rob! Honestly he deserves to win, as he has outplayed and outlasted everyone.

What sucks is that the jury members hate him. Just like Nyko said they are hating the player, not the game. Hypocrites. The game isn't about making friends and being "fair" - it's about WINNING. Everything is all fine and dandy until you HAVE to stab someone in the back. It's the point of the game.

If Rob gets into the final two I hope it's with Ambuh. That way at least they would be a couple (unless she wins and dumps his ass) and he could see part of the million dollars. If it comes down to the two of them then the JURY is screwed by having to pick the lesser of two evils.

Semacode

Semacode is basically an URL barcode. A visual representation of a hyperlink. Important? No, not really. Just something that I read on slashdot earlier.

Here is what www.deaDpiXeL.org ***LOOKS LIKE!***

Ha Ha I have semacode and you DO NOT.

New gmail account...

I have changed my main email to:

deadpixel@gmail.com

Everyone who reads... please send me an email so I can get my new address book straightened out. Thanks!

Netflix

I have decided to give NETFLIX a try... Basically because I want to catch back up on the first 4 seasons of THE SOPRANOS and it is cheaper to get it from netflix than to rent it. Less of a hassle too.

So far, I have 33 movies qued up to be sent to me... I don't think netflix has any idea how fast I can watch movies so I think I am getting a good deal. My mom has a subscription to it and gets through about 6 or so movies a month... I plan to watch my 33 dvds and cancel my membership. I can do that in about 2 months I think if they send me 3 discs at a time (twice a week if I mail them right back) - So 6 dvds a week... about a month and a half.

Blue

If you are going to press play "Blue" by A Perfect Circle (Thirteenth step)

I thought these lyrics from the song were appropriate...

Mistook their nods for an approval
Just ignore the smoke and smile

Reset Button.

I am glad April is over. Just seemed like an emotionally intense month and now the dust is beginning to settle.

I have decided to give up Lineage 2 after all. Which sucks because I just bought the game a few days ago. I have various auctions up on ebay... so hopefully I can break even, if not come out ahead for all of the hours I dumped into that game. I am going to take some time off from the MMORPGs (Barring I don't get into the WoW beta). The grind just hurts... and starting over hurts. I always seem to pick the wrong classes in these games and find that the grass is greener somewhere else.

Hopefully rogue will be cool in WoW. Just not sure what race I am going to play.

I'm late for purgatory.

Leaving in the morning
I take my heart off my sleeve
and put it back on the shelf
I won't need it where I'm going

On second thought...

On the way home from hanging out with Margarita in Northville, I called Kelly to chat. I don't think it went so well.

I guess sometimes I can tell she entertains an "us" in her voice. We have come to a certain level of playfulness - This wasn't one of those times. This was a "I could give a fuck" conversation, which left a bad taste in my mouth. I am one of those people that need to feel special. I don't take any level of rejection well.

Basically, halfway through I gave up. Surely she could sense the defeated tone in my voice as I rushed to get off the phone.

I hung up, and the thought popped in my head: Maybe she isn't the right person for me right now.

So is that it? I have been asking myself that very same question since.

It isn't going anywhere and fast. Yeah, I want to be her friend and build on it. Fine. However that is where we differ I think. I get to know people that I am interested in - and THAT is the base.

How am I going to feel if she does dump her bf and then not want a relationship with me? How can I be a true "friend" if I always want something more? How am I going to feel if I hear "I don't want this kind of relationship right now" one more time?

She has someone to go home to. I do not. As much as I have tried to bury my head in the sand and pretend it doesn't exist - she is VERY involved with someone and that is not going to change in the immediate future. So what's the point?

It's not fair to me if I lead myself into believing in something that ISN'T going to happen. Nor if I am led to believe anything. Am I saying she led me on? No.

As much as I enjoyed it - I am beginning to regret kissing her. Not that it was bad, it's just that kind of thing that made me felt special. It's that kind of thing that makes me feel there is the possibility of something more, because I don't throw things around like that lightly (well at least not anymore). It means something to me. I have become the kind of person that can abide to anything as far as relationships go, as long as the rules are set ahead of time. That way no one gets hurt.

Look. I don't hate you Kelly. I know you are going to read this so all I can do is be brutally honest with you, whether that be good or bad. I don't want to fight or bicker about this. I don't want to stop talking to you. I just think the best thing for us to do is put all of the cards on the table and see where we can go from there.

You just have to understand where I am coming from.