[x]Vacation (to home).Relevant - "Goodnight, Travel Well" by the Killers (Day & Age)
Every time you fall
And every time you try
Every foolish dream
And every compromise
Every word you spoke
And everything you said
Everything you left me,
rambles in my head
Less than 12 hours from now, I will be back in Michigan. From what I hear it has been about 25 degrees with snow. Compare that with the 66 degrees it is now outside here in Florida.
How do I feel about going home? I'm pretty anxious, because this has been a long time coming. I haven't seen my family in the better part of a year, and it's been even longer for my friends. I miss them so much, and with my guard down and my focus homeward I'm getting pretty homesick down the stretch. I know they miss me, too. I'm so excited that I doubt I will be able to crash tonight (which might be good - flight is at 8:30am and I would rather sleep through the flight). I can't wait to eat some of my mom's cooking.
Monday I am going to have a little get together at boomers for my friends. Will be nice to see them, as well. I have missed them greatly. They are the only good memories I have left there.
However, there is always a catch. The air will have grown cold when I return, and I know as I breathe it in, some things will have changed. My family and friends will be the only warm thing left in that state. Everything else will be the barren wasteland of a graveyard that I left it. I have many bad memories.
Last time I was in Michigan to pick up my car, Jessica and I were broken up but we decided to see each other anyway. We spent some time together and talked some things out - there was a spark, which led to us getting back together (albeit inconsistently), which led to us going on the cruise. I still remember when she broke, which in turn broke me...
No such luck this time. Michigan is devoid of anything remotely resembling an romantic emotional attachment. All of those ghosts have been put to rest. Artistically it's pretty much dead to me. My soul is haunted there. Even now one of my last phone conversations with her, asking if I was going to call - echoes in my mind.
I wish I could take all of my loved ones and relocate them down here.
I've let go of so much this year, so many things that I thought were sustaining me. So many things ended, one after the other. God I wish I could explain how I feel.
December has always been the month of goodbyes.