[x]Still here...

Much to my protest... I am still in FLA. I am on one of my mother's friend's ibook (sigh) as we are staying at their condo for a night before heading back to the MI.

Hopefully I will be home early Saturday morning. Just enough time to take a quick nap before I see the first showing of SIN CITY that I can get into.

As far as my vacation goes... A fair amount of things did happen... I will get to that when I get back...

However I will say this, I have written more in the past 2 days than I have this whole year...

See you soon.

[x]The revolution can wait.

Fuck it. I'm off to Florida.

FTW while I'm gone, and hopefully FTW when I get back.

[x]Disgust is too strong a word, Resent is too weak a word.

If you are going to press play - "A Smile That Explodes" by Joseph Arthur (Our Shadows Will Remain)

St. Patrick's Day 2005 = Disaster.

When I went out tonight I knew Beth was going to be there. I have said exactly TWO things to her in the past month. She returned my wristband when we were in the car - and the thought popped in my head "Wow - now I have no reason to talk to you anymore"... and those words almost simultaneously jumped out of my mouth.

...but that would be a mean thing to say.

So we go to dinner, then to a bar. Beth is sitting across from me and it just hit me. She is the kind of person that can sit across from me and act like nothing happened. However, I cannot sit across from HER and do the same.

The truth in the matter is I cannot take those steps back. I can be civil and nod and smile...

That was pretty much it for me, I left and ended up home just before 9pm.

Someone always has the power in relationships. I guess in some residual manner she still has it over me... Whatever she did she made her self less attractive to me over this past month... I look at her and think about things and just feel kind of "Blah". She lacks compassion, while I bleed it.

So, maybe some small part of me thought something would change, or maybe at least go back to how it was... Silly bronto, trix or for kids.

[x]Villainy.

[x]2b (heh), or rather, not 2b :)

If you are going to press play - "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers

Coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss
It was only a kiss

This rest of that song is pretty dead on metaphorically. That is what I love about music... Always a song to define a mood or feeling at the right time.

Last weekend was the Metrotimes Hamtramck Blowout. It is a festival of local music at 20 venues, over 100 bands, over 4 nights. Margarita has been an intern for a while and she got me to volunteer to help out.

It was the most fun I have had in a VERY long time. It is Monday now and I am STILL exhausted (after party lasted until 4am on Sunday morning)...

Even though this lasted only a few days it reminds me of the summer institute I attended at Eastern back in 1994.

The thing is, I would never have met any of those people under normal circumstances. Everyone was super nice and very outgoing. All of the organizers were really laid back and although our role was very important to the festival, it was still a very casual atmosphere.

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday I worked 6pm - 2am, at 3 different bars with 3 different people. Two of the nights I had fun (One night at the Locker Room it was kind of lame but I had a hot chick to keep me company all night) - The other 2 nights the bands were good, the bars were cool, and I had alot of fun being the stage manager.

All I had to do was make sure the bands started and ended on time. It was cool to meet bands playing different types of music. Different ages as well.

The first night when I got home at 2:30am I was wired and couldn't sleep. It kind of set the tone for the whole weekend because during the day I was exhausted and giddy about going back.

The after party was really fun. All of the organizers showed alot of appreication, thanking me and everyone else for having the Blowout go smoothly (there were a few minor snags). It was open bar from 2am until 4am. I had a few (just a few, I had to drive home) - it was the first time I had really drank since my birthday back in November... I had given up drinking for Beth but she has chosen not to be a part of my life anymore so there that goes.

When it was time to say goodbye it was kind of sad. When I went home and took off the blowout t-shirt and the all access staff pass that was pretty sad too, because it was over. However I am really interested in becoming and intern myself and definately volunteering next year.

Being a day removed from it... I have been thinking about myself and who I was this past weekend. Under normal circumstances I am not a very social person. It's not that I am anti-social... I just keep to myself. I'm so quiet and shy that some of my mom's teacher friends didn't even know I existed until last week.

However, doing this forced me to be social, which was good for me. When we were all sitting around the table one night it dawned on me that I don't really have to try to be funny or charming, it's who I am. Margarita and I were playing off eachother and everyone was laughing.

This whole weekend I had to talk to hundreds of strangers, and more often than not I would catch myself smiling. It was genuine too. There was no acting or adapting... It's just who I was/am and I want to be like that everyday now.

This whole weekend I was up to my neck in cool people, fun bands, and hot chicks. It helped me alot of interact with them all (especially the girls).

Oh, and the bands? Check out THE SIGHTS!!! They were the last band I saw the last night and I was really impressed. They have a great sound and alot of enthusiasm.

Well here are some quick shout-outs in case anyone cares: Margarita - thank you so much for getting me involved and being a good friend. Colleen - thanks for letting me volunteer and being a beautiful person, inside and out (I can tell). Paycheck - You are the man. McHale - Red bulls forever. DEATH BY ACCORDION - Thanks for the t-shirt. POLISH MUSLIMS - You have to fight, for the right, kelbasaaaaaa. Natalie - Thanks for bearing with the Locker Room with me, and great conversation about power in relationships. Kim - You nailed me on my friendship with Margarita and we had a great last night, you are hot, awesome, and assertive. Lastly thanks to Anthony and all of the organizers - it was a great experience for me and I will hopefully see you all next year.

[x]Win a date with Johnny Bronto!

Right. Well this was going to be one of my *many* somber entries to this journal. One of those should be coming next or later this week.

However, this morning was yet ANOTHER wonderful thing that finally went right...

I made stovetop mac 'n cheese!

Oh, and it's good.

This is a monumental event in my life. Right up there with graduating from high school and losing my virginity.

Now, I cannot cook for the life of me. The first time I attempted mac 'n cheese as a child I swear to god it turned out blue and was not good. The next time I attempted to make mac 'n cheese I was skipping school for the first time in high school (River Rouge) with some hot chick named Merideth who I had NO chance with and we both made it without milk - it was NOT good... and I got caught :(

So, who needs love when you have mac 'n cheese.