these aren't monthly meetups
this is a monthly support session 
so that i don't go crazy
when i speak a language that fear 99% of the world hears 
but doesn't truly understand
trying to justify - 
if love is what dragged me under
then maybe a little hate will keep me afloat
so i am not sure
am i the recovering hero?  or am i the recovering villain? 
i'm just trying to get past the first step
and these are hard lessons to learn
when i'm still a gentleman
ashamed that i am capable of being ruthless
but make no mistake
just because i would never raise a hand to a woman
doesn't mean i sure as hell wouldn't withdraw it
and leave you to settle with the masses 
this is control as a defense mechanism
this is flight as fight
and i am not thing more than caught up in a war with myself
someone, anyone - 
just please grab me and slow me down
i just want, need - someone to break me in a good way
save me from myself
and this armor that i have been wearing so long
that I forgot how to take it off
because i know am in pain
but lost on the wound underneath
lamenting the present 
is just mourning the future in disguise
and when the ones that i love
don't light the way anymore
it's time to extinguish these old flames one by one
and as everything get dimmer and dimmer
just keep telling myself over and over
that i see better in the dark anyway

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