[x]The spots in her eyes.

I haven't seen her in forever - 
she sits across from me
I smile, she laughs, we play our parts
I try to be witty and clever
we function 
as if no time has passed
I can't even look at her
for fear of being caught staring
Yet those spots in her eyes see right through me
and bring out the things that I've tried to hide
I try to reason out 
if she's more dangerous than beautiful
my eloquence always seems to fail me
in this, with her, in the real world
mercifully she never presses
she just knows
That this is a conversation that is ongoing
like a subplot in our lives
I wish I could just tell her that I love her
just to see the reaction in her eyes
...but this is an exercise in restraint
one that we never dare speak of aloud
lest we give form to the tempest again
the way she handles me - 
I could swear she's part animal
yet this politeness only magnifies the tension
everything between us has always been so raw, so unrefined
she is the only storm I would ever let take me
this is longing without the specifics
she tears me apart as much as she puts me together
when our eyes meet it actually hurts
and I feel bad when I think she realizes that
because there is nothing that can be done - 
when I care too much to interrupt her life
for the sheer sake of want
so there she goes again, out of my life for who knows how long
and when she leaves
she goes back to being the only could've been
that I actually wish was


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