[x]greener grass.

One by one they came and went
in these elimination rounds
tonight history is being re-written yet again
when the could have been
become never were's
we agree to meet
and when she show's up
of course she's as beautiful as could be
i hop the fence to get there
and we dance barefoot
in the greener grass
until i am good and dizzy
but after the room stops spinning
everything's the same
and it almost makes me sad
to realize how much i've changed
when i can't bring myself to tell her
"Say the word, and this could be home"

[x]decade.

will this wander/lust of mine ever be sated?
a hobby of mine
seems to be digging
through the skeleton closets of my past
oh what fun
i don't know what i'm looking for
but it has got to be here somewhere
i find a box marked zero zeroes
and blow off the dust
yet stop short from opening it
with a foreboding sense of hurt
there was pain in there
when i closed it last
has the statue of limitations expired
or has it accrued interest?
i open it...
we were kids, we weren't ready
i keep telling myself
chalking this up to adolescence -
doesn't change any of these scars, though
all i know
is that they led to many more
as i tried to find a substitution
everything since she left
just a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy
seems all i can find
is diluted versions of her...
how do i reconcile this last decade
when she finally picks up the phone
and starts finishing my sentences?

[x]strewn.

depending on who you ask
this mess behind me
could be the wreckage of a crash
or the debris from an explosion
here at the bottom
there's nowhere left to fall
so all i have left is to move forward
there is no going back
yet that doesn't stop me from trying-
every step back
just ends up cutting my feet
so I stop moving altogether
to appreciate the beautiful mess i've made
this mosaic of everything
strewn about
i'm standing still
pondering if i can keep up
if i'm healing faster than i'm breaking
or just too stupid to realize that i'm still crashing

[x]37,000 feet and stuck.

I leave in the light
and return in the dark
she said she'd follow me there
and yet she's not here anymore
and i'm not there
between points a and b
are two homes
all of a sudden
I'm at 37,000 feet
and stuck in the middle
I can't identify myself
knowing that i am two different people
in either location
as if these two halves
of all of my strengths and weaknesses
cancelling each other out
it doesn't make any sense to say
but in between both of these lives
I am none in the same.