[x]She's here and then she's gone again.

the phone rings and she comes back to me
as if summoned in some ritual
i must have stumbled upon the right combination of words
or perhaps my heart just willed it so
did you finally pick up on the words
or was it just my thoughts and prayers?
and so the scales finally balance
knowing that we were always greater than the sum of our parts
it's funny how we could always slow dance in a minefield
as long as our eyes were closed
yet there we were
doomed by circumstance
we spoke and picked up where we left off
as i am sure we always will be able to
yet there is an undercurrent of another narrative
as if to say "we're okay"
because i wish you could see some of the things you never knew
and feel some of the things i've never expressed
so you could finally understand
that in my hesitation i was damned either way
yet i still reflect on the pause that i gave, that she never saw
and the sheer irony
of her loving me because i was leaving
and then having to stop because i was gone
this was the gamble i took and lost when i left you
just for a moment, i wish you could see
how the cost of loving you with everything that i am
was breaking my own heart in the process

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