[x]detriment and eloquence part I.

I haven't posted anything lately. Any normal thoughts anyway. If you are, in fact reading this... everything over the past month has been poetry and song lyrics.

I'm so lost.

It all started with a kiss. Then I couldn't sleep (literally) for weeks. I have gone through every possible emotion in every possible combination since. From the greatest elation to having that sick feeling in my stomach from having my heart broken. From being filled to the brim in my heart, to having it so empty that it feels like my very soul is bleeding out from the hole...

The things I have written in the past month... I've been writing for as long as I can remember, and some of these are the best I have ever written. My masterpiece. Some of those have been beyond anything I've ever been able to say.

Sometimes I am left with the feeling that it's been a waste. My great strides haven't so much made a dent in her. I doubt it ever will. I am at a loss as to how to get through.

You would think being eloquent and articulate would be a good thing. Most people I know do not have any outlet for artistic expression. In any form. They just keep themselves bottled up, or fall into various vices to get by.

It's the eloquence that is destroying me.

You will never understand what it's like to be so in touch with how you feel that you can actually put it into words. On top of that, having everything you ever write becoming some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. When I write, it's not just words on paper. It's admitting things to myself.

I give a little part of myself into everything I write. Now I've given to much.

It's not a gift. It's a curse.

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