[x]holding pattern.

How many people look PAST their vacations?

First I want to congratulate my sister Chelsie and my new brother-in-law Brad on a wonderful wedding. Everything went well, and I want nothing but the best for you now and in the future.

This past weekend has been a blur. In all honesty, all of March was a blur. I've changed since the blowout, since I met her. My life went from a sort of defeated calm to a complete uproar with everything going recently. The blowout, St. Patty's, my sister's wedding... Las Vegas for Paul and Rachel's wedding this week.

I leave on thursday, but for some reason I am aleady looking forward to getting home. Is that wrong? It's not that I don't want to go, I know I will have a good time and should be alot of fun to see the boys again in Sin City. I shouldn't be looking past this trip, because I feel that it will be a significant event.

The odd feeling is - I have felt like this for the past few weeks. Everything that has came and went... I guess it has all been spent with one foot in the present and one in the future. Which I suppose is better than one in the present and one in the past... the way I have spent the majority of the past 5-6 years of my life.

There is just this sense of guilt within, I can't put my finger on it quite yet. I don't know what is wrong with me.

Maybe I feel guilty because everything has been so hectic, and I just want a return to normalcy. Work should be getting back to normal in the next week or two, so that should be really nice. Or maybe I am just looking forward to having something to come back to for once, should be a really nice feeling to know that I am going to be missed.

Everything is so jumbled. I don't even know what to say. Does any of that make sense?

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