[x]found and lost.

i was apprehensive about returning
to my old life
sure i would see ghosts
certain that i would be haunted
yet there i was
burying the ghost of me instead
all of the questions
of who i could have been were answered
the only thing i seem to be sure of anymore
is ever since i found my way home
i've been nothing but lost

[x]1%.

restless, yet exhausted
i'm a mess in prospect of your sway
there's panic in this malaise
the walls are closing in now
our time is running out
and when i finally escape to your prison
i still bear your 1%
terrified and wondering
are you still holding mine?
i am no longer able
to circumvent reality with distraction
i am scared
i am so scared
of meeting your eyes
and succumbing to the sheer gravity of us

[x]such an easy fix.

she is the one wound i leave open
in spite of myself
it all seems so easy on paper
such an easy fix
but i'm afraid of healing
afraid the words would stop coming
this is the benefit of torment
and the detriment of eloquence
my worth measured in strife
telling myself there is more than black and white
i walk the thin grey line
the tightrope of knowing
that my love is nothing without my hate

[x]my green eyes.

the distance i seemingly create
in this shoving match
the comfort exudes acceptance
which scares me
i'm afraid you'll notice
that i've never moved from this spot
i am hardwired against such closeness
yet here i am
when we are so near
you wash over me like flame every time
oh, the terror in my heart
that in this light
you can see how green my eyes truly are

[x]teflon girl, bomb shelter girl.

teflon girl, bomb shelter girl
practice makes perfect
so take cover again
and I will take my leave
no longer to be sullied by your caste
mercifully escaping your station
the distance and time and retrospect
puts me outside of the blast radius
fare thee well, my love
you are no longer my walking ground zero
go be someone else's

[x]feign villainy.

every single letter
calculated and measured
with every single word
I feign villainy
in every move
in all of this deceptive honesty
i cry wolf
in plain double meanings
my viciousness
brought to bear

[x]muted red.

the muted trail
tiny dots of red
oh, the state you left me in
and here i am
still leaving the wound open
refusing to let you become
just another scar

[x]the light in her.

there is a light in her
forgotten by the shade in me
a warmth to my coldness
as typically aligned
the circumstance random
and the timing to be desired
story of my life
a shame
that i only have to offer
my humble number 9

[x]sidestep parallel

slashed and burned in her advance
my retreat leaves me nothing
all i can do is sidestep
as we run in parallels
a caged animal
pacing back and forth
trying at all costs
to avoid backpeddling into oblivion

[x] Drawing you out.

From almost forever away
I feel your thoughts flicker like a siren
and I wonder
if you feel mine in return
there is danger even in caution
do I dare
try to draw you out?