[x]Tombstone.
Every time I go home
it becomes less and less so
Here are my loved ones
and more so, the ones I used to love
when I stopped looking
This place dared to move on without me
like some unkempt graveyard
all wild and overgrown
I'm not here anymore to keep the grounds and affairs in order
and now the ghosts run amok
like the one that just walked past me
this is deja-vu in real time
as I suffer the moment again long ago
the one that changed everything
now just one of many tombstones
in this cemetery of a place where I used to live
where i'm buried with the rest of them
at least the parts of me
that are dead and gone
to the ones i left behind
1.07.2013
[x]Digital Ghost.
Emails, chat sessions, voice mails
I'm hearing her say she loves me
and in that moment
I know she meant it
With a click of a button
as many times I can take
I can be as much of both a
Sadist and a Masochist to myself at the same time
This isn't a photograph, letter, or recording
Or something else
that is both designed and meant to fade
These are things that cannot be lost or burned or discarded-
Sure, I could hit the delete button
to make her stop haunting me in binary
- in megapixels and MP3's
But I am too scared -
not of her digital ghost
but of accepting the fact
that I am too much of a coward
to walk away from the only place
where she is still alive
Emails, chat sessions, voice mails
I'm hearing her say she loves me
and in that moment
I know she meant it
With a click of a button
as many times I can take
I can be as much of both a
Sadist and a Masochist to myself at the same time
This isn't a photograph, letter, or recording
Or something else
that is both designed and meant to fade
These are things that cannot be lost or burned or discarded-
Sure, I could hit the delete button
to make her stop haunting me in binary
- in megapixels and MP3's
But I am too scared -
not of her digital ghost
but of accepting the fact
that I am too much of a coward
to walk away from the only place
where she is still alive
1.01.2013
[x]Year in review 2012.
I've been in Florida for 5 years now. Yeah, I know - crazy. Seems like so long ago that I moved down here. MI seems so far away. I miss my family and friends sometimes, but I am not as homesick as I used to be. I've been on my own a lot lately (well, with Cody) - to try and get some things figured out. I think I am doing a pretty good job.
2012 ended up being a year of upgrades. Job, location, car. :)
Without further delay - Here is my 2012 Year in review...
HHN - Halloween Horror Nights - Got pretty involved in the event this year. Followed all of the developments - Spent a lot of time on the HHNrumors site (and bought the t-shirt to support the site). Went 9-10 times (I think it blurs together) - Took one of tours, got a blinky cup (Thanks Lindsay). Was kind of bummed when Margarita didn't get to come down due to my scheduling :( - there is always better hope for this year. Next year I am getting the express pass - waiting way too long in too many lines this year. Might go less days in 2013, will pretty much break even in haunt volume. I've gone every years since I have been down here. It was insanely busy this year, which kind of took away from the fun. This year will be better.
The Women - Was kind of a quiet year on the girl front.
Meredith - I met Meredith at a film festival to see the shitty movie "Lovely Molly". I don't know if anything was ever meant to come of it, but it's nice to have a movie buddy (and someone to talk to). I admire how passionate she is about a lot of things, because it reminds me of something that I have lost in myself.
Lindsay - Lindsay was the only girl I officially dated in 2012, red flags and all. She was a proximity girl. I don't really have anything negative to say about Lindsay. We were just fundamentally different. I think if she would have possessed the ability to allow our relationship to evolve (In all aspects) - we could have been okay. We had some fun, she just didn't read the Scorpio manual.
Sue - Oh, the legendary Sue. I remember when Eva first mentioned her years ago when we were at EBG. I have seen her in passing - but we never really got to hang out until opening night at Halloween Horror Nights this year. She came out of nowhere and volunteered to go with me - I will admit, we rocked it out and (unlike every other time I went to HHN) - got to do everything. We got to hanging out here and there for a bit. She reminds me a lot of my friendship with Margarita in MI. She has the same type of dangerous beauty.
There are others. There have been some girls down here that I have been in love with (apparently I love everyone) - that I decided to let go of towards the end of this year. They probably didn't even know it. Maybe they did, who knows. One thing I learned is that loving a lot of women a little DOES NOT add up to loving one person the way that I want to, even if the percentage ends up being the same.
Work - At the end of 2011, I was miserable working for Comcast. Capped off by having to work NYE until midnight. I told myself I needed to get out of there. The job quickly started to stress and burn me out towards the beginning of 2012. Thankfully, a friend who I had worked before (Both at Barnes & Noble and Comcast) - got me into the help desk at MFRMLS. For the first time in a long time, I have a good job that pays well, that I am good at, and I get to do something that I love. I love the company and I am really lucky to be there. Everyone is great, it's like a family.
Home - I spent most of 2012 living on the west side of Orlando (Near Metrowest). While I was thankful to have a roof over my head , as the year wore on it started to stress me out. The location, the commute, a lot of things. At one point we started to put some effort into the house to make it a little easier to live in - it quickly regressed back to the previous state. That was really hard. For the most part, I liked the people that I lived with - but it was too many people in too small a space. Finally it dawned on me that some people are just set in their ways, and it isn't my responsibility to change that. It just became too much and I started to look for somewhere in a nicer area that was closer to my work in Maitland. I lucked out and moved in with Stephen and Christine in the college park area, exactly one exit down from where I work. It's nice having a 8 minute commute. It's closer, MUCH quieter (on the end of a dead-end street), in a nicer area, way more cost effective, less people (Actually, my housemates are barely home it seems). This situation is much better for me and Cody for now.
The Car - I fought my 92 Honda Accord all year long. I was told the car's name was "Kiera" when I got it. Well she was a complete bitch of a money pit. Almost every single month the car broke down for something - it was my reasoning that you can only replace so many parts on an older car before it's newer - but it just kept dying on me. Finally the transmission went (Again) and after a month long ordeal where the problem somehow got WORSE - I decided to get a new(er) car, a 2009 Pontiac G6 on October 30th - so I named it D.N. The entire reasoning behind owning my own car was to avoid a car payment, but honestly I was dumping $300-$400 a month into the thing anyway and couldn't rely on it.
RESOLUTIONS 2012 -
1. Get some kind of direction. Any nudge would be great. Upgrades!
2. Get healthier, I laid the groundwork for losing more weight and feeling better overall. I need to cut down on the Red Vines :) Cut down on the red vines. Feeling better than I did in 2011.
3. Figure this job thing out. Get out of a call center - somehow, someway. Sure did. MFRMLS is the best thing to happen to me job-wise since I moved to FL.
4. Find someone. There is only really one girl that I know right now that I would date (yes, you) - but I might need to meet someone else who I don't know yet. Thought for a fleeting moment that I had found someone - but alas it didn't appear to be sustainable.
5. Let things go. I need to let many loose plot threads in my life go. I did a lot of letting go, still working on the rest of it.
RESOLUTIONS 2013 -
1. Kick even more ass at my job.
2. Try get a little more discipline and get myself healthier. Cut down on soda, etc.
3. Try to write more - if it's movie reviews or poems, get some more words out there.
4. Find someone so I don't have to spend the next New Year's Eve alone. Well, not JUST for that reason.
5. Get some breathing room financially.
6. Do HHN right this year, maybe even HOS.
Special Thanks - Mike for all of the rides when my car was down. Luis for getting me into MFRMLS. To my friends for being there.
Paul Banks - "Summertime is coming" (Album - Banks)
Can we waste some more time, just colliding in space -
no matter how high we set the bar.
I've been in Florida for 5 years now. Yeah, I know - crazy. Seems like so long ago that I moved down here. MI seems so far away. I miss my family and friends sometimes, but I am not as homesick as I used to be. I've been on my own a lot lately (well, with Cody) - to try and get some things figured out. I think I am doing a pretty good job.
2012 ended up being a year of upgrades. Job, location, car. :)
Without further delay - Here is my 2012 Year in review...
HHN - Halloween Horror Nights - Got pretty involved in the event this year. Followed all of the developments - Spent a lot of time on the HHNrumors site (and bought the t-shirt to support the site). Went 9-10 times (I think it blurs together) - Took one of tours, got a blinky cup (Thanks Lindsay). Was kind of bummed when Margarita didn't get to come down due to my scheduling :( - there is always better hope for this year. Next year I am getting the express pass - waiting way too long in too many lines this year. Might go less days in 2013, will pretty much break even in haunt volume. I've gone every years since I have been down here. It was insanely busy this year, which kind of took away from the fun. This year will be better.
The Women - Was kind of a quiet year on the girl front.
Meredith - I met Meredith at a film festival to see the shitty movie "Lovely Molly". I don't know if anything was ever meant to come of it, but it's nice to have a movie buddy (and someone to talk to). I admire how passionate she is about a lot of things, because it reminds me of something that I have lost in myself.
Lindsay - Lindsay was the only girl I officially dated in 2012, red flags and all. She was a proximity girl. I don't really have anything negative to say about Lindsay. We were just fundamentally different. I think if she would have possessed the ability to allow our relationship to evolve (In all aspects) - we could have been okay. We had some fun, she just didn't read the Scorpio manual.
Sue - Oh, the legendary Sue. I remember when Eva first mentioned her years ago when we were at EBG. I have seen her in passing - but we never really got to hang out until opening night at Halloween Horror Nights this year. She came out of nowhere and volunteered to go with me - I will admit, we rocked it out and (unlike every other time I went to HHN) - got to do everything. We got to hanging out here and there for a bit. She reminds me a lot of my friendship with Margarita in MI. She has the same type of dangerous beauty.
There are others. There have been some girls down here that I have been in love with (apparently I love everyone) - that I decided to let go of towards the end of this year. They probably didn't even know it. Maybe they did, who knows. One thing I learned is that loving a lot of women a little DOES NOT add up to loving one person the way that I want to, even if the percentage ends up being the same.
Work - At the end of 2011, I was miserable working for Comcast. Capped off by having to work NYE until midnight. I told myself I needed to get out of there. The job quickly started to stress and burn me out towards the beginning of 2012. Thankfully, a friend who I had worked before (Both at Barnes & Noble and Comcast) - got me into the help desk at MFRMLS. For the first time in a long time, I have a good job that pays well, that I am good at, and I get to do something that I love. I love the company and I am really lucky to be there. Everyone is great, it's like a family.
Home - I spent most of 2012 living on the west side of Orlando (Near Metrowest). While I was thankful to have a roof over my head , as the year wore on it started to stress me out. The location, the commute, a lot of things. At one point we started to put some effort into the house to make it a little easier to live in - it quickly regressed back to the previous state. That was really hard. For the most part, I liked the people that I lived with - but it was too many people in too small a space. Finally it dawned on me that some people are just set in their ways, and it isn't my responsibility to change that. It just became too much and I started to look for somewhere in a nicer area that was closer to my work in Maitland. I lucked out and moved in with Stephen and Christine in the college park area, exactly one exit down from where I work. It's nice having a 8 minute commute. It's closer, MUCH quieter (on the end of a dead-end street), in a nicer area, way more cost effective, less people (Actually, my housemates are barely home it seems). This situation is much better for me and Cody for now.
The Car - I fought my 92 Honda Accord all year long. I was told the car's name was "Kiera" when I got it. Well she was a complete bitch of a money pit. Almost every single month the car broke down for something - it was my reasoning that you can only replace so many parts on an older car before it's newer - but it just kept dying on me. Finally the transmission went (Again) and after a month long ordeal where the problem somehow got WORSE - I decided to get a new(er) car, a 2009 Pontiac G6 on October 30th - so I named it D.N. The entire reasoning behind owning my own car was to avoid a car payment, but honestly I was dumping $300-$400 a month into the thing anyway and couldn't rely on it.
RESOLUTIONS 2012 -
1. Get some kind of direction. Any nudge would be great. Upgrades!
2. Get healthier, I laid the groundwork for losing more weight and feeling better overall. I need to cut down on the Red Vines :) Cut down on the red vines. Feeling better than I did in 2011.
3. Figure this job thing out. Get out of a call center - somehow, someway. Sure did. MFRMLS is the best thing to happen to me job-wise since I moved to FL.
4. Find someone. There is only really one girl that I know right now that I would date (yes, you) - but I might need to meet someone else who I don't know yet. Thought for a fleeting moment that I had found someone - but alas it didn't appear to be sustainable.
5. Let things go. I need to let many loose plot threads in my life go. I did a lot of letting go, still working on the rest of it.
RESOLUTIONS 2013 -
1. Kick even more ass at my job.
2. Try get a little more discipline and get myself healthier. Cut down on soda, etc.
3. Try to write more - if it's movie reviews or poems, get some more words out there.
4. Find someone so I don't have to spend the next New Year's Eve alone. Well, not JUST for that reason.
5. Get some breathing room financially.
6. Do HHN right this year, maybe even HOS.
Special Thanks - Mike for all of the rides when my car was down. Luis for getting me into MFRMLS. To my friends for being there.
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