[x]Sometimes I wish I could turn my heart/brain off.

we lay together
in this bed we've made
both for the same warmth and comfort
but under different blankets
you are all wrapped up in the present
while I surround myself in the future
my heart and hands now unsteady
as I try to find you somewhere in between

i cannot sleep again
this bed is barren without you in it
this house is empty
every time i return and you are not here
merely a convenience
to live in a place
that is never home without you

the absolute torture
of being left to wonder
i try to possess my siren
while she will not be caught
even though we both see the rocks now
i press on
hoping with my entire heart
that at some point this will give her pause

we come from different places
and i know you are trying
trying to speak my language
with my ego i like to think myself exempt
though you are away too much now
and you may not realize
that i am trying to relax and accept
but i can only blame myself
was i that fleeting?

i long for your lips
to kiss me, to speak to me
for your eyes to look at me
the way they used to
maybe this fairy tale is over
and we are just
going through the motions
i just can't seem to let go
of what we used to be

i am only myself without you
while together we seem to be much more
and could be greater still
i bide my time
while my heart allows me to hang on
you're slipping away
if you haven't already
as we fall into routine
away from what was
and away from what could be

just being around you
is like a drug
an addiction
that leads to withdrawal
that high
replaced with loneliness and doubt and pain
i go from special to mundane
if i make you happy
then why are you gone?

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