5.18.2007

[x]silence and peace.

Relevant - "The Good Soldier" by Nine Inch Nails (year zero)

Hope you understand the way that things are gonna be
There's nowhere left to hide
'Cause God is on our side
I keep telling myself

I am trying to see
I am trying to believe
This is not where I should be
I am trying to believe


...

Anyone who claims to know me closely... intimately... Should know that I tend to over-analyze and dwell on things too long. Over and over, every possible scenario. Call it a personality flaw. This may be the result of circumstance and what it has done to me in my life. I over think things in the illusion that somehow I can take chance out of the equation.

Heart on my sleeve is an understatement.

I tend to hide because I know that I am not good company in these situations. Just because the sky is falling for me doesn't mean it is for anyone else.

So if you are going to disappoint me - do so. If you are going to break my heart... fine I can deal with that. If anything else, I can deal with pain. Disregarding me for over a month and counting is just an insult... Whatever you scared of is just making it worse.

There is nothing more lonely than silence. In that, environment tends to magnify everything. Try to put yourself in my situation. Try to imagine what you have and are putting me through. Multiply that exponentially with every passing week.

I tend to torture myself over the things that I cannot change. The worst possible thing you can do to me, however, is leave me alone to my thoughts...

...and you have.

1 comment:

  1. Jessica8:01 AM

    I agree to be left alone to ones thoughts is the most painful type of torture.. Silence and the not knowing is hard, but its a form of 40days and 40nights and when a someone comes out of it, they are changed and have learned. Solitude vs. the isolation chamber..the pain inflictor vs. the chair.

    ReplyDelete

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