[x]SPA!.

I guess I wouldn't consider this the 7th annual Single Person Awareness day... I did have a girlfriend at some point :)

Sigh. I guess I am single now. Maybe when I *have* a gf AND this day falls at the same time, I can stop celebrating it.

In other news... There is alot going on, I swear. I'm just lost in the world...

...of warcraft.

[x]David Bradley.

I am an uncle, yet again. It's times like this that really show me a glimpse of what life truly is, because it goes beyond the logic of anything I could ever say or write. Reminding me, that I am blessed to have such miracles occur.


He's so beautiful it makes my heart hurt. I get to hold him, and he looks at me... That awkward stare of unfamiliarity as the papparazzi of relatives snap photos. It just kills me in that moment, to know that I hold in my arms another angel, another saving grace.

Mom's (chelz) fine, Dad's (brad) fine. Good job guys.

I still hate hospitals though... Especially when I have to sit through an American Idol rejects show. Yuck.

[x]Bronto wii:16 says YOU JUST GOT YOUR ASS KICKED.

Now, a wii sports update from the tennis arena!

After dropping 2 5-game sets to the 1900 and 2000 rated (highest possible difficulty) wii computer players last weekend, I have re-established my absolute dominance. Elisa and Sarah are both my bitch. My current rating is 2083, which sometimes goes*DOWN* when I *WIN*. What a bunch of malarky that is.

[x]updates long overdue.

I have updated my poetry, bio, links, and my myspace layout. Probably going to start my calendar for 2007 some time this week, and maybe move my photos over to flikr.

[x]asunder.

let me get the knives out
so i can confide in you
i was always the sin eater
absolving the wayward
but ever since i found my way
i've been lost

[x]Crashed

This past week was my first week back to work since vacation. A vacation in which I was completely bored almost the entire time. Imagine being bored for a week straight... Not fun. Especially when you need to be entertained at all times. All I did was sleep and cram my face full of junk food.

I thought I would have something to do, I thought I would just play Zelda all week, but I tired of it almost immediately. No point in playing WoW, even though I did a bit...

Then towards the end of that week I went down sick... which I am just now getting over. Work has slowed down, which is good and bad. It's not cold outside, even though it's January. Been 40 to 50's, which is crazy.

So, here I am. The sudden change in my diet (trying to eat MUCH better) has really affected me. I am trying to drink diet pop, which still has caffeine in it... still I have been a rampant insomniac for the last two weeks... Completely restless, with a soul crushing migraine that won't quit. Sure me staring at this computer screen isn't helping much either. It's winter, and there isn't much to do. Doesn't help that I'm poor, as well. Not really poor, just less rich :)

I don't know what it is. There's just something in the air. I don't know what it is but it's just THERE.

There isn't much coming up, either. I have the WoW expansion coming out a week from Tuesday, which will give me something "Constructive" to do for a few months until spring. The blowout is coming up as well, which by my observations should prove interesting.

I just cannot seem to get my head in the game lately.

[x]Happens all the time.

So yesterday evening I am flipping through the channels (I only really watch TV when a show I watch is on or if I am EXTREMELY bored) and THE LAST SAMURAI is on AMC.

Its about a quarter of the way through the movie, and Tom Cruise is getting his ass kicked in the rain by a badass samurai with a wooden sword. He keeps getting up, trying to show his captors that he too has some semblance of honor, and...

WAIT A MINUTE, WHY IN THE HELL AM I WATCHING THIS ON TELEVISION?

I own the dvd! The AMC transfer was a crappy fullscreen (full frame, whatever) version with a shitty video AND sound transfer. Lame.

So, I put in the dvd and watch the whole movie. Lately I have been watching my dvds on my computer. I have an awesome video card, sound card, and speaker system. I have been using my tv as my monitor for months now, which rocks.

As of this moment I have 358 dvds, yet I'll sit through parts of a movie on HBO or another channel for a good 20 minutes before it sinks in. I OWN THIS DAMN MOVIE.

[x]2006+1 = 2007 (I know you love this).

2006 Year In Review -

Relevant - "Grey Room" by Damien Rice (you can hear it here, disregard the video... kate is hot.)

Lyrics here - they really fit... My favorite line is...

If I squeeze my grape, and I drink my wine...

Preface - Snippets in the following YIR months don't really do this last year justice. I wrote it a week or so ago, and it doesn't really capture the feeling of what I have gone through in this last year. 2006 was a huge year for me, hopefully the following few paragraphs can relate the gravity of it all...

I started off 2006 fairly unsure of any direction. The site went down for a while, just long enough for me to realize that I need to write. Not only that, I need to share it. I really looked around and felt blessed for having the ability to express myself, which I used to think made me weak. Everyone else just seems so bottled up most of the time, whereas I have found that I am calm. I have stopped carrying my baggage around with me - you are reading it.

The next thing I remember was the blowout, which found me not speaking to Margarita, while embarking on my first real relationship in a long time... I met Jessica there, courted her afterwards. It was nice, if even for a short time, to be completely smitten with someone. I truly was with her. The beauty of having someone shed light on how ugly I had become on the inside, and a certain clarity ensued. I was of two minds at that point - the hopeless romantic on one hand, and the hurt, bitter soul on the other. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't quite lose myself in her. I speak only of myself in this matter, as I think she had some of her own issues to sort out. What resulted was the gravity of reality, crushing me in a short lived fashion. It's unfortunate.

There's so much more, but it's a blur...

After she was gone I found myself in a tailspin of doubt. Once again I couldn't understand why something that was so perfect went so sour so quickly. When that leveled off I found myself, for the first time since I can remember, if ever - in complete control of myself.

I realized, that it's not really them hurting me, it has always been me letting myself get hurt. Which is dangerous to think, and left me in a dark and sinister place. I was in control, I was invincible, I was inspired.

Margarita and I patched things up, as is the pattern it seems... The new twist being fairly brutal honesty. The man who would be devious, and his syren - we are quite the pair. We seem content with our roles in this friendship which carries us into the present day...

So, there I was. The only thing I needed was a leap of faith to shake the stars back into my eyes.

It happened - twofold. First when I completely gushed to Joseph Arthur. Maybe it's cliche, but when I saw him this last time, something snapped in me, I actually wanted to let some light in for once. It's really hard to explain, but there is a certain peace my soul has lacked for the better part of a decade now, and the only real reason I didn't have it is because I wouldn't LET myself have it. As if this entire time I was punishing myself for something... When it finally hit me - I let go. It was very empowering.

Second was when I went out with someone from my "distant" past. In one night, hell in the span of a few hours... I found I couldn't lie to her, I couldn't be devious or sinister... I couldn't wear any mask around her. The conversation took me back to a much simpler time, in her terms... Really the most appropriate. She really set me on fire, and that inspiration has burned through me since.

That is what I will carry into next year...

YIR 2006

January - www.deadpixel.org goes on a short hiatus, the man gets me, ipod shuffle is awesome, MUNICH is one of the best films I have seen.

February - the new world, Scarlett and Kiera on vanity fair cover nekkid! past souls catch up with me... S.P.A. year 6, the grace.

March - blowout! meet Jessica, speeding ticket + chelz wedding! smitten, peaches. I have a gf!

April - Vegas, Baby. Paul + Rachel wedding, I realize I'm devious. Silent hill. Still have a gf! omg. I realize I can dodge bullets. Jessica and I break up (no more gf). 2 months!

May - Wilford Brimley kicks off ballgag reviews. Ballgag reviews immediately closes.

June - 666 day, I get a new car (silver fusion named damien), indifference. Bronto starts to wise up.

July - I'm invincible. I fall in love with FIREFLY (and Inara on the show). Officially Ikea boy now. Doubt sets in and I call her (set aside invincibility for a moment) - stonewall knocks some sense into me. Damn you clerks 2 and Rosario Dawson making my mind wander. I take my first step out of the darkness.

August - 6 year anniversary for the site, Damien gets a booboo. Project morningstar opens.

September - life is made up of moments, 250 dvds! 9.11 again :(... my desk gets ikearized. she wants revenge is awesome live, i dub a certain girl "syren" - artistic frustration.

October - Blind date @ fishbones. Joseph Arthur hugs me after his AWESOME show (and after I gush like a little girl), Annie Stela is wonderful. I stand up on my own two feet. Tigers kick ass :) up until the world series :( Crazy bitch becomes a favorite song of mine. Dr. McBronto costume.

November - This monster gets set on fire by a certain lady from a "Simpler" time. I take off a mask or two and realize I have my own skin. I'm inspired by a muse who was waiting backstage. I'm fucking awesome. Turn 28, thxgiving too. 10 year reunion which I actually enjoy. Time capsule was brilliant. WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII Deals are struck! Exchanges are made!

December - More WIIIIII. I own tennis. I forgot I hate console games. Zelda gets put on ebay. Xmas is great. Shop, shop, and more shop. 350+ dvds

How did I do on last year's resolutions? (I looked, didn't really post resolutions for last year... whoops, lets see how the 2005 resolutions apply to last year)

1. Be healthier - I really meant to be healthier physically. Lose weight, eat better, exercise. Well, to be honest it didn't happen. I'm pretty much where I was last year :(... however I think #2 was more important.

2. Find peace - I had my "You'll never sink this boat" episode a very long time ago. My soul is much more at ease than it has been in a VERY long time. I'm much more comfortable in what I believe in.

3. Be happy - Happy as I can be. Happy, but never content. I don't think I will ever be.

4. Be a good Son/Brother/Uncle/Grandson - Still living in Royal Oak, which makes it hard sometimes. For a stretch there I pretty much fell off the map, not sure why. What I do know, is that I have the best family, ever.

5. Do NOT let WoW ruin my life - Haven't really played much in months... Expansion is coming out in a few weeks though... Going to try to maintain this time around.

6. Write more journal/poetry - I suppose not having to write constantly is a good thing. There were a few sparks of inspiration here and there... Must be the effect certain people have on me.

Anyways - RESOLUTIONS FOR 2007

1. Be healthier PHYSICALLY - I'm not getting any younger. I really want to make a serious effort to lose some weight, and eat better. I am planning on giving up pop again and switching to water (mmmm), also I want to starting making food instead of eating out all the time. I am pretty burned out on junk food. In the spring I am going to try and walk a bit or jog... The WII is a good workout too. Really looking to be thin(ner/ish) by 2007.

2. Wrap up soul searching - Now that the ship is heading on a somewhat straight path, decisions have to be made in regards to my future. I like my job, but for some reason I feel like there is something else out there.

3. Be there for my family - I probably missed a lot of things I should have gone to, which I am sorry for. Hopefully this year will be better.

4. Pay off EVERYTHING - still have a bill or two to pay off, really need to get that done so I can shore up my credit and start looking for my own place...

5. Let the dead lay - I said my farewells, and buried my dead. Some things are gone and gone forever. It might sound weird to say it like that, but it's really the only terms in which I can identify with it. I faced the skeletons in my closet, and the ghosts than haunt me. I am a stronger person for it. You can't hold onto everyone, so sometimes you just have to say goodbye.

6. Be me - I picked up a little bit of an ego this year, because I realized that I am truly awesome. I make everything around me better, and everyone I know is better off for having known me. I just need to make the rest of the world know that.

7. Find someone - I don't want to watch the ball drop alone next year :)

Looking forward to next year - My NEW NEPHEW DAVID!, Chaotic Evil WoW guild, 300 is going to be the best movie ever. Getting Joe back. Blowout for the 3rd year. Keeping up the exchange :)

So here I come 2007 - kicking in the door, guns blazing...

End note - There are no things above love and peace.

[x]pet project 1.

I have decided to start a sports blog. I have alot of things to say about the state of detroit sports as it happens... So hopefully I can keep this one up.

[x]Prelude to a reclamation.

Relevant - "Elephant" by Damien Rice (9)

What's the point of this song? Or even singing?
You've already gone, why am I clinging?
Well I could throw it out, and I could live without
And I could do it all for you
I could be strong
Tell me if you want me to lie
'Cause this has got to die

I really like this song.