[x]default setting.

nothing ever seems worth it
unless it's a lost cause
and there you were, screaming the odds
yet i lost myself in the risk versus reward
this is my default setting...
over and over
i cast myself off a cliff again
leaping, i go all in again
now i've drowned so much
that i've forgotten how to breathe
here it is, coming together
realization setting in
to the dillution of faith
the mar of realization
that i've given the best of myself
to the worst of people
only to be left with less than nothing
these are the debts i bear
burning aimless and numb
countered and compounded by blind hope
this is my vagabond soul
that implores you
please, please, some other girl
any girl, i dare you
save me from the loathing that swims within
prove to me that i am wrong
come break my heart
so she can no longer have that claim over me

[x]49/51.

pauper rich in only one aspect
the wealth of me
doesn't mean anything to you
my currency
is not something you accept or value
you never spoke my language
and yours only dulled my own
49/51 is not a concept you can comprehend anyway
yet it seems to make sense to everyone else
so this is my shimmy and shake
this isn't ill will
this is just forced indifference
so i'll be the bad guy
if that gives me a chance to breathe
you can pout while i take a break
from laying with monsters
and staring into the abyss of them
until the stare back and look like me
spare me the corruption of acceptance
the subtraction by addition
are you keeping up with me yet?
we swap this blue horizon
so you can finally discover
that i know your real name
and that my blood will not relent
you'll see
in calling my bluff
that i've been playing your hand all along

[x]found and lost.

i was apprehensive about returning
to my old life
sure i would see ghosts
certain that i would be haunted
yet there i was
burying the ghost of me instead
all of the questions
of who i could have been were answered
the only thing i seem to be sure of anymore
is ever since i found my way home
i've been nothing but lost